FILTHICUS: Ice Warriors

 

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Hrrrmmmppffff!

The roar goes up in the Coliseum as The Big Game proceeds. Somebody goaled on someone else. Tempers flare, egos pop like Rice Krispies. Legions of stupid people celebrate the thrill of victory, or morn the agony of defeat. A big strapping, smiling kid with busted teeth and a bloody grin wraps himself in a flag and hams for the fans and cameras… not sure of my facts here, but I heard that America’s hairy chested female hockeyists took the Gold too - but they are using the occasion to shit on the evil Orange Bastard or something? For our part, I heard that our glorious, virtuous, righteous ice warriors got plushy toys and openly wept after losing?

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I dunno; I don’t care about the politics, the intrigue, and feuds behind the scenes. To me me it’s all fake and gay and I’ve got better things to do. I ain’t watching it.

Play nice, kids!

Have fun!

 

Apparently this is fun for people. I was always taught that it’s just a game. Be humble in victory, accept loss with grace. Half the people saying that will flip the board in rage if they lose a game of checkers…

As for me… I’m in serious athletic training today too! I want to try out for the Stubfart Special Olympics Rifle Team. This is real sport!  After the rifle competition we all get Gold medals, everyone is special, then we all load up on the short bus and go have supper at Chuck E Cheese! HAR HAR HAR! HAR HAR HAR!

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We’re getting a rogue chinook today so I figger it’s a great time to hit the range. If you Yanks catch a rank fetid stench on the moist warm winds billowing and blowing in from the North… that’ll be me stinking out the firing line with my atrophied marksmanship and gas.

The practice will hopefully manifest itself either at the Stubfart Olympics … or out in the streets when this idiot country tears itself apart and descends into some kind retarded civil war. Let’s stay loose, and keep our feuds and sports separate, eh? On behalf of the future 51st State of Alberta … I’d like to congratulate the Americans on their wins - and apologize for these sore losers in Canada. 

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