Ask Dr. Filthie

Hrrrrrmmmpfpfpfffff! 🤨

Tiny’s problem is obvious - he’s packing up! I’d recommend a 42 oz Orange Metamucil highball, a roll of 3 ply toilet tissue, and an hour and a harf in the oothoose with a good book - I’d take one of those horrible female gooner novels for a good laugh because that never hurts anyone neither. 

😆👍

Hey! Screw you! Don’t judge me!!!

😡

It’s probly all that shit he ate on the cruise ship last weekend.  Or maybe he got a bug from the parboiled nogs in the hot tub? It could be anything or nothing. All dinkishness and asshattery aside… I hope it’s nothing serious. To be truthful, I’m in the same boat actually. Now that I eat mostly twigs and leaves I’m lucky if I shit once every three or four days. 

But it’s absolutely crucial that we’re all on the same page on this business, fellas. Harrrumpffff! Pay attention:

This is the allegedly the biggest shit ever produced by a human being.

“The largest human feces ever found is a 1,200-year-old, 20-centimeter-long (8-inch) and 5-centimeter-wide (2-inch) fossilized specimen known as the Lloyds Bank Coprolite. Discovered in York, England, in 1972, it is believed to have been produced by a Viking man whose diet was high in meat and bread and who suffered from intestinal parasites. The artifact is currently on display at the Jorvik Viking Centre in York.”

Hmpfffff! I’m not impressed to tell the truth. I dare say I could easily beat that after a plate of fried Spam, pickled eggs, Brussels sprouts n beans! But we all know the drill: talk is cheap, produce pictures - or it didn’t happen! If you suspect you have a world record - DON’T FLUSH. Take a picture, and if you have an angler’s fish scale - get a weight if possible and record that too. Send me the pic, and I’ll make arrangements for our official scorers to come out and properly docuMINT your achievement. Cederq and The Village Hemorrhoid are medical experts specifically trained to handle these things. And - It’s just like Pope And Young or Boone And Crockett: the initial brown score will be higher than the final dry score as the specimen ages and moisture is driven off.

Ughhhh. I’ve been a good boy and I’m doing well on the bathroom scale. Think I’m gonna have some steak n eggs this morn. Chow down guys - and have a great day.