It’s 1:30 am at night. I can’t sleep. The wife and dawg are dead. I will be too, soon. A month of dieting and light exercise had destroyed me. This is my last will and testaMINT.
Ughhhh… I ate some forbidden food today… and gawd… it lit me right up. I think my lower intestine is gone… I can’t stop farting. Not gonna lie - I could kill Marines, truckers and Texans with gas like this. I feel awful…🤢👎
At first I as delighted but after 6 hours of rippers that rumble the dust off the rafters and rattle the windows in their panes… the whole house smells like an English breakfast. 🤮
What is the home remedy for this? Please God…let it end… one way or another? 😵
Drink water. Seriously, it'll help alot.
ReplyDeleteA teaspoon of cream of tartar before bed reduces gas and bloating as well as constipation. The Mother-in-law takes it every night and it helps prevent her knocking buzzards dead.
ReplyDeleteExile1981
try a tabasco enema, you'll thank me later
ReplyDeleteIf you ate a McDonald's quarter pounder recently it might be E. coli.
ReplyDeletePrunes!
ReplyDeleteChutes Magoo
ReplyDeleteFat Propaganda: Pre-Diabetic Diverse Heifer ‘Decolonizes’ Yoga
https://youtu.be/yB1oKPKB7XM
These asshole ruin everything!
A couple spoonsful of pumpkin, canned or fresh might do the trick. And thanks for the laugh, this was hilarious reading.
ReplyDeleteLots of advice here... I'm nobody's demographic... what I've noticed:
ReplyDeleteEveryones gut flora is different, results from what you eat will be different.... but *fasting* works... no nada, just water. Yes *LOTS* of water. Yon likes coffee/tea on his "fast", never tried that. Know that all food related "drives" are stochastic and come and go in waves. Exercise while fasting is good... not strenuous... but continuous. Stay active, keep moving.
The most important thing old age has taught me is that you *must* make peace with pain. Don't avoid it, stay accustomed to it so that it cannot contol you... or be used by others to control you. Discipline is everything. Be the master of your vessel.
Sleep. Be *awake* when you are awake. Serious... focused. When you cannot stay focused, sleep. If you cannot sleep, pretend to sleep, it's almost as effective. If you can keep it up, sleep comes. Pro tip: If you're on watch, find that place between pretending to sleep and being on a hair trigger: Your mind is near free of thought... all attention is focused on your senses, waiting timelessly for the trigger you have focused on.
(sleeping on watch is a capital offence)
"At first I was delighted..." Dude, you have me in stitches with laughter! You are a blessing to us retards here in the states.
ReplyDeleteWell it was a damn close thing - but we all survived. I think I’m alright now? All I can say is I’ve never…EVER…had gas like that! Maybe it’s part of life and I’m just turning into a smelly old man…
ReplyDelete😞