My father is dying.
He’s got dementia. Right now he’s in Emergency in a small town just north of us. He’s going to be there for awhile. He’s trapped in his own mind, addled and riddled with drugs as pieces of it fail and fall away. He shakes. He fights with Mom. For her part, she is a cold, wicked woman. She always was but she’s old too. If this were were a couple centuries ago she’d be getting tied to a stake and set on fire for being a witch. She wants Pop to die. Fast. For her the sentiment is not one of compassion or mercy, it’s one of selfishness. She thinks she is being practical and strong, but she’s being mean and selfish. She’s always been like that and I can only take her in very small doses now. Yesterday I went over and moved some furniture for her and sat with her afterward while she vented. She told me I do not do enough for her. I try to be a good son. I have always failed.
Sigh. It is what it is. The issue now is to find Pop proper end-of-life-care. The problem is that the vaunted Canadian health care system that our socialists used to brag about… is falling apart. There’s not enough beds, there’s not enough people, there’s way, way, WAY too much diversity in our healthcare, and more is on the way all the time. I shudder to think about what healthcare will be like in 15 years when my wife and I need it. My end of life care will likely involve a quart of scotch, a cigar and a .45.
In Japan, (so I’ve read)…the Japanese people take personal charge of a lot of their own healthcare. They are very aware of their own bodies and are up to speed on their own levels, lab tests and what they mean. They are far less reliant on doctors for information and the means are there for them to research symptoms, side effects, drug compatibilities, themselves. The Japanese seem to tend to take much better care of themselves than we do.
I don’t have a family doctor anymore. My last one started giving me the gears during the Covid scam and when he started insisting I get vaccinated and boosted with God knows what… the mask fell. I’d always had a bad feeling about him but in point of fact…any doctor and most nurses and support staff that went along with that fiasco…is either an incompetent or a grifter or both. I gave that doctor the punt and do a walk in clinic now.
I think we are going to have to develop new ways of looking at healthcare and how we manage it. If we don’t… dying is going to get a lot nastier.
When my father had to go into the rest home I went to work at a local university so that I would end up at 60 years of age, doing odd jobs for local farmers and trying to get a truck driving job. I spent eight years in purgatory only to have someone discover my blog and then end up at 59 years of age, trying to get odd jobs from local farmers, and thinking about driving dump truck. Life is a bitter struggle full of heart break and suffering. Enjoy those fleeting moments of happiness when they occur and remember them for the irritating times ahead!
ReplyDeleteLast time I saw Pop he was still reasonably sentient but struggled for words and coherence a bit. Just last week. I was packing up to leave and on the way out I passed behind him. He was sitting at the kitchen table with his back to me and I just reached down and kinda did the affectionate back rub/shoulder squeeze thing…and you could tell just by looking at him that it was like cool water on a parched plant. It was connection… and he just smiled and struggled for words he didn’t need to say…
DeleteThat may be the last time I had with my father. What’s in the hospital now… that isn’t my Dad. It’s just random bits and pieces of him trying to work with other bits and pieces gone. It’s like he’s disintegrating or melting and the pieces are like grains of sand passing through my fingers… and you can’t stop it. All you can do is watch him go…
My father went down fast. When he could no longer communicate I started going in on lunch breaks and reading to him. At the end he would hold my hand and not want to let go. My father was not a hugger. I wish you the best.
DeleteYou're right about incompetence and/or grifters. Add in Evil designer/director/supervisors all the way down to nurses and doctors. They have come through newer Leftist, med schools that taught that people are evil, Gaia destroying useless eaters, deserving an early assist to the other side. There are still good medical care givers out there, but finding them is getting harder. What the Evil Phuquers have done to Western high trust civilization is a sin. We will have to navigate it as best possible.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about the situation with your folks. Some situations to fix, are out of our hands. It sounds like trying to help your dads circumstances would be a fight with your mother. The law is likely on her side.
Wish I had some deep, coping wisdom for dealing with this shit show, but I'm just a dumb old redneck. I do manage to live a rather happy life, but then, the evil creatures largely don't inhabit my AO. If they do move in here, well, I'll have to deal with it.
Hopefully, your relationship with the Lord and your take on reality will help you get through it. Good fortune and good luck during this difficult time, my prayers go with you and your family dear Filthie. Damn eyes are clouding up here, stupid empathy, I'm cursed with it.
There’s nothing anyone can say Mike. Not a thing. What’s happening now is between Dad and God and none of us have any say in it. It’s the story of MY life it seems… all I can do is cope and pray. There’s not a damn thing else I can do…
DeletePraying for you brother. You are a good man.
ReplyDeleteThanks STxAR. Hey… I can’t comment on your blog…I think Google shat the bed or something. If you go into your settings, and set your comments to “anyone”… it should do the trick…
DeleteGive it a try. I guess Der Googe 'helped' me out again. Thanks for the heads up!
DeleteYou do not need mine or anyone else's validation, but you are correct in what you say. It is between your father and God. I will say no more except that I will pray for you and your parents. Zimmy in Pa.
ReplyDeleteAt least you get the peace of having seen him one last time dude... DeadDad -literally- died on the SatPhone with me (no shit, last breathe and death rattle that has haunted me since... any wonder I'm fucked in the head with Dad issues?) when I called to check in from Iraq... May his passing be quick, painless and simple.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about your family issues, and your father and all. My own father was bedridden for the last year of his life, and he hated it. He got great care, but he couldn't get up and do the things he enjoyed.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say for certain is that he accepted Christ on his death bed, and so ended up in Heaven. And that was that.
Needless to say, if there's anything I can do just shoot me an email.