Yesterday I was running on fumes. I’m on a diet. I’m jammed up at around 205 lbs. it’s infuriating. I resolved to lose weight come hell or high water and went full out vegan - for about 4 days. I’m talking spinach, carrots, fuggin mushrooms, rabbit food only…! I wasn’t gonna stop until I broke 200 lbs! Damn the torpedoes!!!
😡
But yesterday started sketchy ‘AF’. I felt like SHIT. Around lunch time I took a break from the chores and fried up a big batch of slimy spinach. I ate a plate full of other veggies and peas… and my guts began to rumble… I tried to force more spinach in to fill the hole… and then I belched…ran for the chitter and yakked it all up again. Then I staggered back to my easy chair and flopped down… and petted the poor Niglet because she got quite concerned with all the retching and chunks I was blowing.
I’d only sat there for 5 minutes when my guts rumbled again… and I blasted an enormous veggie fart that scared the chit out of the dawg, and rattled the windows in their panes! I ran for the chitter again and this time it came out the other end… a jet of liquified horror that could squirt through the eye of a needle at 50 paces! When I was done… I staggered out of the chitter and crashed again into my easy chair. I was exhausted.
🤢
After I got my breath back… I went downstairs and loaded up a plate with some left over chicken and roast. Then I piled on several thick slices of glorious cheddar cheese - and ate the bloody lot! Today I’m starting with sourdough toast and eggs because fuck my cholesterol and triglycerides and blood sugars. When I’m done that… I’ll go back to eating sensibly and starting all over again.
Diets suck arse … and no bones about it.
🤬
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