Balding Bloated British Butt Blaster

 

Henceforth, what was formerly the Gulf Of Mexico shall now be called “The  Gulf Of America”.

Britain will henceforth be named “Faggot Island”.

And every toilet within that realm shall be named “John”.

My poor liberal mother began to hate me in earnest in 1973. Part of the reason was that she got all of her information and opinions out of TIME magazine. I’d come across the things and read them for entertainment. I’d laugh at the claptrap and develop the wrong ideas and opinions. I thought the PLO and Yassir Arafat were the coolest guys on earth because they used Gorilla fighters and I imagined apes with machine guns hijacking airplanes. I thought Alan Alda and Big Bro were both faggots that should be tied into a chair and beaten to death with lead pipes. I wanted to go to Viet Nam and have my very own M-16 and kill gooks. 

Turns out today I was right about all that! HAR HAR HAR! I used to always look forward to the next exciting issue too. My favourite magazines were (in order):

Guns n’ Ammo

MAD Magazine

TIME Magazine

Then the internet came along and I learned to fact check everything I read. I stopped buying magazines, newspapers, and turned off the TV. I don’t miss the old rag sheets of The Blob one iota… but I do miss the anticipation of The Next Exciting Edition when the agitprop wasn’t as pronounced as it is today.