So... I'm 20-something and dating Migraine One. We're having Thanksgiving dinner over at her Mom's house. The brothers and young men are all upstairs, drinking beer and smoking pot. Listening to music and talking. No one knows me that well, so I'm trying to make a good impression. I bring along a 12 pack, and that breaks the ice.
Cooking is a big deal for the women, and when dinner is served I'm told the cranberries are extremely good and made from a secret family recipe... and on and on. I like cranberries, so I dig right in - and chomp down on a foreign object. I use my napkin and politely extract it.
It's a fingernail.
I could have tracked down the owner, but everyone there is really trying their best not to start a fight with anyone else. So, thinking quickly if not correctly, I slip the offending object into my shirt pocket and say nothing. Which is fine until three days later when it's Migraine One's turn to do the laundry, and she finds the nail in my shirt pocket.
"Where did this come from?" she asks, using her prelude to round one of a fight voice.
"You don't want to know." I say.
"Oh, I see. I don't want to know, huh? Because I'm such a feather head I wouldn't know the bitch that this came from..."
And the show starts.
I take the nail away from her by force, get dressed and go over to her mother's house - which is walking distance. After the usual Hi How-are-yous, I explain what's going on. I show her the nail.
"Oh my God..." she says, looking at the nail, "I'm sorry about that Jack."
"It's okay. It happens. But Migraine One is on a tear and won't listen to reason."
"Is she coming over here?"
"I'd say."
"Sit down and have a beer. Mike? Move your fat ass and let Jack sit there, and get him a beer while you're up," she turns to me, "I'll straighten her little ass out as soon as she gets here."
And she did, and I learned a few things about communication. In particular, "If you ever pulled that shit with me, I'd have thrown you out and let you sleep on the sidewalk."
So... I'm 20-something and dating Migraine One. We're having Thanksgiving dinner over at her Mom's house. The brothers and young men are all upstairs, drinking beer and smoking pot. Listening to music and talking. No one knows me that well, so I'm trying to make a good impression. I bring along a 12 pack, and that breaks the ice.
ReplyDeleteCooking is a big deal for the women, and when dinner is served I'm told the cranberries are extremely good and made from a secret family recipe... and on and on. I like cranberries, so I dig right in - and chomp down on a foreign object. I use my napkin and politely extract it.
It's a fingernail.
I could have tracked down the owner, but everyone there is really trying their best not to start a fight with anyone else. So, thinking quickly if not correctly, I slip the offending object into my shirt pocket and say nothing. Which is fine until three days later when it's Migraine One's turn to do the laundry, and she finds the nail in my shirt pocket.
"Where did this come from?" she asks, using her prelude to round one of a fight voice.
"You don't want to know." I say.
"Oh, I see. I don't want to know, huh? Because I'm such a feather head I wouldn't know the bitch that this came from..."
And the show starts.
I take the nail away from her by force, get dressed and go over to her mother's house - which is walking distance. After the usual Hi How-are-yous, I explain what's going on. I show her the nail.
"Oh my God..." she says, looking at the nail, "I'm sorry about that Jack."
"It's okay. It happens. But Migraine One is on a tear and won't listen to reason."
"Is she coming over here?"
"I'd say."
"Sit down and have a beer. Mike? Move your fat ass and let Jack sit there, and get him a beer while you're up," she turns to me, "I'll straighten her little ass out as soon as she gets here."
And she did, and I learned a few things about communication. In particular, "If you ever pulled that shit with me, I'd have thrown you out and let you sleep on the sidewalk."
Dear gawd…!!!🤮
DeleteMexican buddy told me to come eat lunch at his house. "We're having chicken." We sure did. A potfull of nothing but chicken necks. I shit you not.
ReplyDelete🤢🤢🤢…. Not again…ulp…
DeleteWTF is it that worm that came out of RFK's head?
ReplyDeleteBbbbbbbblllllbbbbbbbbbbfbfbfbfbbbfffbbbbb 🤮🤮🤮
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