Stubfart Ramble: An Early Morning Pipe

 

I'm having an especially enjoyable pipe out on the front veranda this morn. Winter has come back for a visit today - it's -27C but there's no wind. I've done my first chores: I made coffee early for the wife, I shovelled my sidewalks and the neighbour's, and the Niglet has gone for her walk The world belongs to me - for the moment. After my smoke I gotta go in and do my household chores.

Had a visit with Mom last week. I think I am on her shit list again. Typically I will send her a text every morn to make sure the frumpy old bitch is alive but she started ignoring me - which pished me right off. A couple mornings I sent her two and was gearing up to go over there and do a wellness check... but she'd responded with surly two word messages - "I'm fine." When a woman says "I'm fine" ya know damned well she's not - and you aren't going to be either! HAR HAR HAR! But... I fear I just got fed up and stopped texting her. If that's the way she wants it, whadda ya gonna do? I stopped texting her. If she died and went to hell... JL the cop and the poor ambulance guys could load her stiff on the meat wagon and at least I would have a plausible alibi when questions are asked about her demise. A week went by and the other day I got a text ordering me to come by and fix her stairs.

She has a wonderful little adopted pocket dawg and in the course of their play - she'd knocked the nosing off one of the steps leading into the living room off the front entrance. I loaded up my RC Airplane glue pot, tape, epoxy, stirring sticks and Gorilla glue and went over to have a look. It was all hardwood so I did a quick light sand on the bearing surfaces, and figured we'd go with Gorilla first - if it held, great. If not, I'd get mad and go to epoxy. She was extremely polite and cordial and I had a quick cup of coffee and even a brownie afterward. She's doing well, the pup gets her up and out every day, she has a lot of other old biddies in her neighbourhood that keep tabs on her, and there is a single middle aged cat lady she pays to shovel the sidewalks and mow the lawns in the summer - so at least there are eyes on her all the time. Plus she loves my wife so when the old bint gets miserable I just get the wife to text her and periodically visit. I am not the son she wanted, she is not the mother I wanted... but I guess we're making it work. Her time is so short. We play the hands we're dealt and we're all doing well enough, thanks to God, Gorilla Glue, and a few long pieces of masking tape. And - if the glue fails... there's always epoxy... HAR HAR HAR!!! She texted me back and let me know the glue held and all is well, and even thanked me. Hmmmpffff!

Ugggghhh. The wife has made a helluva mess in the kitchen, the Reclusium looks like a bomb went off, and I have a morning with the shop vac, the broom and a dust pan. But... I think my ass froze to my chair! A good warm Old Man Fart will fix that!

Whadda YOU doing, loafing around? Ain't you got better things to do? Get back to work!!! And be sure to have a good time while yer at it! Thanks for dropping by!

Cheers!

Filthie