The Backyard Retard: Throwaways And Footprints

 Well my ol’ faithful weedwhacker packed it in and croaked last week. I’d rev it up but the head wouldn’t spin. I am not a mechanical guy, I had to spend half a day on disassembly and reassembly, figuring out how the damned thing worked. Then I went on JewTube and of course - confirmed the problem in half an hour! 

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Still… it was time well spent. In our house you DID NOT F*** WITH THE MACHINES. That was Dad’s Law and you violated it at your peril. I can see why too… Mom didn’t want to mess with them…but my brother… oh, boy, he’s a bigger retard than I am. His last great victory in the mechanical world was when he was trying to sell a beater motorcycle he’d bought and couldn’t make run. He was playing with the carb and the damned thing caught fire and burned up on his driveway. He does chit like that all the time too. Not ragging on him, but at least I know when I’m beat and it’s time to call the pros. I used to buy the shop manuals and do little jobs like oil change and lube, maybe the odd brake job or simple stuff that only required some simple wrench work. I get nervous around carbs and flat out REFUSE to deal with EFI and other black magic… But Pop isn’t around anymore, I am not some goofy kid…and I can afford to fix my mistakes. It’s late in life to start learning about mechanics… but this small stuff is within my scope, I think. It has been a great learning experience.

But for my faithful old weed whacker… thank gawd everything is simple and modular. I burnt out the centrifugal clutch. Dealer told me $55.00 and two weeks delivery. I’d do a carb kit on it too; $26.00 and they had that in stock. And on my end…probably another morn in the Reclusium getting it all back together. If I had to have the shop do it…it’s a no-win and a bo-brainer…ya throw the damn thing out and buy a new one. Even if ya do it yourself the economics are sketchy; $80.00 on a 14 year old machine…? How long until something else goes? How much will that cost? Then there’s a time factor - it’s been raining for a couple days and my weeds are big enough to eat small cats and dawgs, and menace women and children.

So…most small residential weed whackers in my neck of the woods start at around $250.00. That is enough to give me pause for thought… but then I heard Stihl is having a sale on theirs and they’re blowing them out for $179.00. Oh yeah…Filthie likes Stihl…!!!

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So I just said, “Puck it!” and went down to the store to buy one. I get up to the till and the guy wants to put me in his customer database. No prob, I give him my last name, he rattles up F-I-L-T-H-I-E on the computer… and goes, “Terry? In Sherwood Park?” I just locked up with a dumb smile on my face. That was my Dad… and of course… he passed away a month or so ago. I was tongue tied for a few seconds, I dunno why. I gave him my cell and address and he put me in the record. “Buy a 6 pack of our 2 cycle oil and get an extended 2 year warranty…” the clerk was babbling, so I absently bought that too. I didn’t tell them about dad’s passing so that they could delete him out of their records. It’s odd to think one day that’s what all of us will be - the odd collection 1’s and 0’s on any number of obscure databases in computers somewhere. 

It was nice bumpin’ into ya, Pop. I hope all is well where you are.

Welp…my pup wants to go on dawg patrol… and I got a ton a chores today - and a new weed whacker to try out. I hope you all have a great Humpday - and thanks for dropping in.

Filthie