Ehhhhh... oops! Did I say all that out loud...? I must be getting old and stupid too! HAR HAR HAR!!! I suppose I shouldn't be a dink. Soon Mom and Dad will be gone and my memory, being what it is... will look back on them with love and fondness.
When we drive out to see Pop at the home, I leave my hearing aids at home. Mom prattles and yaks and I try to keep half an ear open in case she says something worthwhile. She's gotten wise to that tactic so now she shouts when she wants to get her shots in. We pass the LRT train construction on the way out to the Home and mom screeches at me."It's horrible!!! The psychos and lunatics are pushing people onto the tracks at the LRT stations!!!" I guess it was the popular crime de jour awhile back, and she can’t get over it.
I mumbled something about a death penalty and capital punishMINT for the perps and she goes, "But you can't!!! They're all mentally ill and can't help themselves!!!" I know that I am at least 50% responsible for the altercations I have with Mom and I stomped down on my rebuttal because if I know that if I run my mouth - she will too and we'll be off to the races. Again.
"Well," I said, "I guess there's nothing to be done for it then, We'll just all have to put up with old ladies and low income single moms and innocents getting killed by mentally ill people at the LRT stations..." Mom paused at that, astounded by my agreeableness and refusal to play our traditional baiting game. For all the world I looked like someone that DGAF. Inwardly, I idly started thinking about pushing Mom onto the railroad tracks... the trick would be making it look like an accident...
Ooops!!! Dammit!!! I'm doing it again!!! π‘
Ahhhhh…shit! HAR HAR HAR! ππ
I shouldn’t be too hard on mom. She’s trying not to be a cankle all the time… and failing miserably… but she’s trying and that’s what counts, right? I’ll send her a text later this morning to make sure she didn’t wake up dead today, and if I gotta go over there I’ll just leave the bayonet at home with my hearing aids.
I hope you all are in for a good Sunday and that all is well with your family and loved ones. Stay away from the subway and LRT stations… and if you DO see a cranky old stubfart doing something suspicious on the tracks…you didn’t see nuthin’!!! πππ
Cheers!
Filthie
That was hilarious!! Happy St. Patrick's Day!
ReplyDeleteIt's ALMOST always better to blow it off in writing, but I know, you're just working out the kinks, you'll want it to go smoooth when it's time for the accident. Wait! dint dey make a movie... "Thow Mamma fom da Traaane!? Uuuhhhhh...yeah, forget the hearing aids and bayonet, yeah...do that.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to know there's another tard out there...gettin through it.
Too late to vote our way out, too early to shoot our way out.
Keep smiling, it makes them wonder...
Well I finally got it through my head that the old bitch is crazy, Mike. It’s one of those things you know in your head, but not in your heart… but once they are both on board it’s all good.
DeleteOnce you realize she's crazy, then acceptance "I can do ANYTHING, for awhile.......long enough. Sometimes I've had to just chant, to myself, "It just doesn't matter, it just does't matter (implied, in the great scheme of things)", in my best Bill Murray.
DeleteJust wait….they’ll come back at tge most inopportune times. I think my old man haunts the curling club up here and messes with my rocks. There’s no way I was that light on that draw or that far outside on that open hit for 4 in the last end Thursday…..
ReplyDeleteOh gawd! If their shades make it out to the rod and gun club…I’m done for. Maybe I better study exorcism and get a jump on that problem?
DeleteY’know though… when I croak I am going to haunt the shit out of my daughter. We should all gang up in the afterlife on the living people that drove us bonkers when they were alive…ππ
DeleteI’d join in on that!
Delete