Saturday, April 26, 2025

Of Questionable Utility


 

Life is pretty grand nowadays for the stubfart vagrant. When I get busted for senior delinquentcy or being a public nuisance, I get 30 days in the can where I get 3 hots and a cot and I play cards with JL and the guards. 

When I was a kid and got in trouble… I got put on the log pile. I shouldn’t bitch - Pop gave me a chainsaw so I didn’t have to run a manual bucksaw… but after that it was all axe work. Most of the wood on Dad’s farm was poplar. As a fuel poplar is passable. Generally it splits and stacks well too, and ya generally want to season it for a year before ya try to burn it. But… I still get PTSD and road rage when I remember trying to split those great big wet niggerhead logs - the fuggin things would swallow my axe and it took more rage and adrenaline to get the axe out than it did to swing it! 

🤬

Would this concept work on those mushy buggardly sonsabitches? I’d love to try it. But…on the other side of the scale are woods like elm. 100 years ago my idiot father in law cut down a neighbour’s elm for him and called me over to split it. My axe just bounced off it. I went out to the farm and got my other rage  axe, and then borrowed Pop’s maul - and tried again. That gnarly old bastard tree wouldn’t split for them either. I dunno if this explosive headed axe could sink in far enough to use the gas expansion to good effect? 

Today I have a cheapo electric log splitter and I love that little thing. If I heated my house with wood I dunno if I’d even bother splitting the wood until it’s time to burn it? With the little splitter I’m sure I could split enough wood for the night in five or ten minutes.

Anything that gets me more time in front of the fire instead of splitting it works for me…

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